Masks

I was this many years old when
I was born
a castaway
cast out of the me’s that were,
but really weren’t.

today I learned
that the distance
and boundary
between me and the other
was unconsciously self made

to be quite honest
I didn’t expect
Prufrock’s time
to prepare a face to meet the faces
would be automatic, and so taxing

my face when
I’m with the other
turns out not to be
my face after all
but a mask

if you know, you know
per sonare
the mask that resounds the voice
of a persona
is adapted for context

for what it’s worth
these masks
are created to protect
to appease
not to deceive

as far as I know
somewhere underneath
there is a self
me
unknown to me

that feeling when
I try to access it
my identity
the person that I am
is confusion and grief

too much information
they say
out of confusion
or frustration, disinterest
from the info dump

in real life
the world is made
for them
hence, sharing is unsafe
necessitating the mask

ask me anything
other than
how are you
or about the weather
small talk is excruciating

in my humble opinion
we could use more clarity
less reading
between the lines
of ambiguity

you should know
the intentional framing
adapting memes and scripts
while counting coffee spoons
is learned, real, and regulating

your mileage may vary
this process of discovery
after years
of misunderstood self
is difficult and ongoing

life pro tip
success and safety
isn’t a guarantee
hence the mask
is an important fallback

too long; didn’t read
who you see
and who I am
are only the same
if you’re safe